So upon whacking my head off the trolley and not wanting to leave the house for days on end I eventually managed to be coaxed to school. Although , my time in class was short lived. I had continuous feelings of panic, sweating and short of breath. Everybody would look at me as if I was a psycho from American Horror Story. I eventually had to go to a specialist in another county to help me out. My dad would take me every month and I used to dread the trip. I kept thinking horrible thoughts, was I ill, was I normal, oh my god I’m dying! That didn’t work, so I started to try healers. I used to sleep through it and it was actually quiet relaxing to zone out for an hour each week. It helped me a lot but I stopped going after a while. I have battled with it for years. In my end of year exams I was always trying not to pass out while the teacher sat scratching his arse and chewing loudly on his Viscount biscuits. Once I battled it through school I was hoping it would just go away… but it never does. I started my first job during my school years, and even then it was hard for me to wake up in the morning without a churning tummy and tears down my face. It’s like a feeling you can’t control coming on and you try to stop it but doing that just makes it worse, especially looking like you have taken Speed whilst trying not to p*ss yourself. I have learnt a few ways to override it which you will come across in my posts. I will be writing about different times of my life, but don’t worry they won’t be boring as the series of Lost, I promise ;

Advertisements